Complete Guide To Dating Abroad

This article is about what it’s like to be dating abroad and lessons learned when everything is temporary!

I’ve been abroad for four years now. Yes, that’s a pretty long time. I’ve met many people along the way.

I can barely remember some of them and somehow, some others left a mark. I’ve seen many faces, tried to remember weird names and friended a bunch of them on Facebook.

Last year I met up with a friend in Portugal and he shared some wisdom with me.

“Everything is temporary.”

This short sentence made a lot of sense to me. It became pretty clear to me that nothing was truly dramatic – pain and dramas would always be temporary.

I got lost in my own thoughts and started to feel pretty detached of everything, wondering if I’d ever been able to feel again. I guess I was taking the “everything is temporary” to a whole new level. Between the small talks, the repetitive goodbyes and the self-protection mode on, I thought that, perhaps, I was losing sight of myself.

And then another sentence popped into my mind. Remember that curly Peyton of One Tree Hill? She had that thing about “people always leave”.

If I thought I’d get better at goodbyes over the years, well, let me tell you that I’m just getting worse every single time.

I thought I was getting better at handling relationships and friendships but I came to realize that I lost my communication skills somewhere along the way.

It seems that I like avoiding others and over-protecting myself, building a big wall between others and me.

And there I was, asking myself “what do you really want from this, Mel?” Or questions like, “when was the last time you were real?”.

It seems that I’m not the only one. I’ve had the privilege to have great chats with other long-term travelers about life, our lifestyle and relationships, and it does look like we are pretty much in the same boat.

It’s hard to let ourselves go. It’s hard to take risks. And I’m not talking about cliff-jumping here, I’m talking about letting people in. “People come and go” as I always say. I guess it’s becoming harder to let them in a little longer.

The thing is that most solo travelers are mastering the art of protecting themselves. They might get lost. They might even get injured. They could run out of money. They will make plans and rethink them later. They are thinking of themselves. I’d like to add that they aren’t selfish or egoist, but they are living their dream, and those are just their priorities. Dealing with relationships or complicated situations on the side doesn’t appeal to them. In fact, it might just scare them away.

Dating while traveling is quite challenging. People have different plans, different goals, different time frames. Why would they dare to change their plans for someone they barely know?

Because after all, they’ve only just met. Being abroad is kind of putting everything in an accelerator. You get a quick cultural change, a bunch of new challenges and everything becomes much more intense. So are friendships and relationships. Yet some will get drunk and declare their honest will to be friends for life when we all kind of know that some new friends are just around the corner.

Meeting new people every day made me realize how I pick my friends, my partners in crime or even my romantic escapades with the temporary “ones”.  It made me realize what I like, what I seek and what I want. It also made me realize that the most desired characteristics are traits I own myself.

I don’t have the pretension to think I’m perfect. I obviously know how far I am from perfection. But I do know that I need constant stimulation to avoid what I call pure boredom.

Getting real or serious about any kind of friendship and relationship abroad requires a strong will and commitment. It’s easier, of course, to avoid it when you can but what if you could be missing out on something simply because you’re scared?

At the end of the day, many of us don’t want to imagine themselves a lot older alone or around the world. Are we ready to go all-in though?

After dating several guys overseas I came to realize that I only let myself go when I know that I have a limited time-frame with an expiry date. It seems to be the only way not to be too scared. Everything becomes more intense and rushed. It does feel good once in a while, but can also be toxic in some ways.

On the other hand, I know that I don’t let myself go for those who could be daring to stick around longer. I’m always after a short-term romance that doesn’t lead to any form of commitment from my end.

Dating while traveling is fun, challenging and different from what I know from back home. It gives me different perspectives on what’s available out there, but it also makes me feel alive in some ways. There’s something special about feeling exotic and seeking the exotism in others too.

I might be a hopeless romantic who simply enjoys spreading the love and smiles across the globe. There’s something fun about getting to know strangers knowing deep down you might never see them again. I like to hear their stories, get to know them in what could be their best version of themselves.

I like that feeling of freedom, knowing that everything is exactly the way it’s supposed to be with the right people at the right place.

It can be on that platform next to this volcano in Hawaii or at the airport in Yangon. It can be on that blanket where you’re laying down looking at the shooting stars.

When was the last time you had put yourself all-in?

Dating Abroad | How to Meet People Abroad

Meeting people abroad is super easy! Especially if you’re traveling solo! If you’re staying in hostels you will likely meet a bunch of travelers  I also meet many people in bars, ferries, flights, etc. We’re all super easy to recognize and I always smile when I see a backpacker on the road.

I have a “Why Not Attitude” when I travel. This means I have nothing to lose by talking or not talking to a stranger. Worst case scenario: I won’t see them again! I’ve met countless cool people just asking them if they wanted to share a tuk-tuk or a taxi. I never got any rejections so far with this approach and normally people are willing to do anything to save money, right?

Another cool way to meet people on the road is by swiping. Yes, I’ve been using Tinder a lot while traveling. Of course, most people who use Tinder abroad are looking for something temporary or to meet new temporary friends abroad. Ice breaker questions can help get a conversation going. You can’t expect much more from it! I did meet amazing people through Tinder, but also a few weirdos if I’m honest!

Safety Tips for Dating Overseas

If you’re going on a date (especially Tinder dates), you should always meet in a public environment and trust your gut.

I would personally never go on a date with someone who doesn’t have more than two photos. If you aren’t sure you should also ask them for their Instagram or Facebook to make sure they look genuine before agreeing to meet up.

Make sure you have access to the internet on your phone so if something goes wrong you won’t be stuck in the middle of a creepy date without an exit plan. You could also tell a friend or someone at your hostel that you’re going on a date (you might need saving later on).

Dating & Relationships While Traveling (And How It Can Get Complicated)

If dating while traveling is fun, getting into a relationship abroad can be super complicated later on. Depending on if your partner is also on the move or if they are local can influence the rest of your trip (or the rest of your life, haha).

The language barriers, the different plans and the different nationalities can create all sorts of complicated situations. It’s easy to be traveling with someone for a bit but what happens when the trip is over? When one of the two has to leave?

There are two ways to go about it.  

You could make the most of it while you can and avoid any awkward conversations if you’d rather stick to a temporary situation.

Or you could be honest and share your doubts/fears regarding how complex and tricky your potential relationship can be.

Either way, dating abroad can be fun and you shouldn’t stop yourself from it. You simply have to be aware that everything might be temporary and that’s okay.