Travelling is a miracle! Travelling is going to change the way you are!
I don’t know exactly how this concept started. But, I remember that before my very first solo trip to Germany, they told me I’ll come back different. I don’t know if I simply missed the change, if I did actually change or if it simply can’t work for a mess like me… My trip to Germany was great. I challenged my fears and my comfort zone and I realize how lucky I was to be from Canada. I tried vegan food for the very first time (I hated it), I fell in love with Europe and I started to feel the travel obsession. But, that’s about it.
Then, I travelled more. And further. And it felt like it wasn’t enough. The truth is every time I had to go home at the end of a trip, I was crying on the plane wishing I could stay longer.
When I left home back in June 2014, I thought I’d be out there for a couple of months. Well, nearly 20 months later, I still have the same feeling; I want more.
As I am planning a visit home, a close friend asked me if somehow I had changed (she was probably curious and ready to observe a new specimen of Mel). The truth is that as I’m living with myself every day, I can’t truly see if I changed or if I still am that same person. There is a part of me that hopes I changed… for the best. But, the other part seriously doubts it.
I’m still a mess. But, I’m a happier mess… Or if you prefer, my messy mind is happier.
I’m still stressed and anxious. I still have a compulsive movie maker instead of a brain. (I guess somehow I love to make scenarios.) I still change my mind every day. I still don’t really know what I truly want. And that’s Okay. I didn’t expect that travelling could possibly change the biggest “things” (let’s say problems) in my life.
But, I don’t travel because I’m a mess. I’m simply happier on the road, dealing with stimulation instead of scenarios, handling reality (or at least, trying to).
I’m a mess and that’s why travelling is also the hardest therapy I’ve ever had. It makes me work on these broken sides when I feel helpless, when I can’t accept and when I can’t deal with the present minute. The truth is that it still happens on the road. I can’t run away from myself.
Okay, now I’m vegetarian.
So what? Well, the version of me that didn’t really enjoy animal company doesn’t exist anymore. I used to just like cats, birds and monkeys. Well, that has changed. Farm life changed me (Ahem… and destroyed me).
I met a new version of myself.
Physically, I feel so far from that version of me with the fake nails, the high heels and these never ending shopping sessions. It doesn’t mean I don’t miss it at all. I simply don’t need it (and I still can’t believe how much money I’ve spent on these sparkling flah-flah (did I just create a new word here?).
Mentally, the old crazy version of me is still here. But, I love to think that I suit my new version better (as long as the new version concept is true… Ahem). I mean, I feel different. But a few extra stamps in my passport, a big bunch of great stories later and a long way to go aren’t going to cure my poor mind, are they?
I’m stronger than I thought (and than I think).
What if I just got stronger? Well, I’d be happy with that. I know I am. I wouldn’t have thought that this original trip would bring me to Australia, to Japan or to New Zealand. I had no idea I would become a master of hitch-hiking, a skilled farmer or even a travel blogger. I didn’t expect any of that. My resume became a long list of different odd jobs. I accepted to give up my work experience, my diploma and try things I’ve never done before.
As long as I could still be on the road, it was fine. At some points, I couldn’t handle it and I was in doubt. I am so proud of what I’ve done to make my dreams come true. I worked hard for it. It wasn’t simple luck or big savings (because, believe me if it was the case, I would have enjoy Australia on a tourist visa).
I bought a flight, I got a tan, I fell in love and I found myself.
I bought a big bunch of flights. I got a tan. I lost it. I got a tan again. I lost it again. I fell in love with myself… and with him. I found myself… broke more than once. I found myself questioning all the ideas I had and found a life I was secretly hoping for.
So, did I really change? I still can’t figure it out if it’s a loud yes or a quiet no, if that’s great or if that’s okay. I’m an over thinker and I wish I could have change that bit. Sad truth; I didn’t. So, I guess I’ll soon find out. I’ll keep you updated!