Travelling is a miracle!  Travelling is going to change the way you are!

I don’t know exactly how this concept started.  But, I remember that before my very first solo trip to Germany, they told me I’ll come back different.  I don’t know if I simply missed the change, if I did actually change or if it simply can’t work for a mess like me…  My trip to Germany was great. I challenged my fears and my comfort zone and I realize how lucky I was to be from Canada.  I tried vegan food for the very first time (I hated it), I fell in love with Europe and I started to feel the travel obsession.  But, that’s about it. 

Then, I travelled more.  And further.  And it felt like it wasn’t enough.  The truth is every time I had to go home at the end of a trip, I was crying on the plane wishing I could stay longer.

When I left home back in June 2014, I thought I’d be out there for a couple of months.  Well, nearly 20 months later, I still have the same feeling; I want more.

As I am planning a visit home, a close friend asked me if somehow I had changed (she was probably curious and ready to observe a new specimen of Mel).  The truth is that as I’m living with myself every day, I can’t truly see if I changed or if I still am that same person.  There is a part of me that hopes I changed… for the best.  But, the other part seriously doubts it.

 

I’m still a mess. But, I’m a happier mess… Or if you prefer, my messy mind is happier.

I’m still stressed and anxious.  I still have a compulsive movie maker instead of a brain.  (I guess somehow I love to make scenarios.)  I still change my mind every day.  I still don’t really know what I truly want. And that’s Okay.  I didn’t expect that travelling could possibly change the biggest “things” (let’s say problems) in my life.

But, I don’t travel because I’m a mess.  I’m simply happier on the road, dealing with stimulation instead of scenarios, handling reality (or at least, trying to).

I’m a mess and that’s why travelling is also the hardest therapy I’ve ever had.  It makes me work on these broken sides when I feel helpless, when I can’t accept and when I can’t deal with the present minute.  The truth is that it still happens on the road.  I can’t run away from myself.

 

I didn't jump from that bridge.

I didn’t jump from that bridge.

 

Okay, now I’m vegetarian.

So what?  Well, the version of me that didn’t really enjoy animal company doesn’t exist anymore.  I used to just like cats, birds and monkeys.    Well, that has changed.  Farm life changed me (Ahem… and destroyed me).

 

I met a new version of myself.

Physically, I feel so far from that version of me with the fake nails, the high heels and these never ending shopping sessions.  It doesn’t mean I don’t miss it at all.  I simply don’t need it (and I still can’t believe how much money I’ve spent on these sparkling flah-flah (did I just create a new word here?).

Mentally, the old crazy version of me is still here.  But, I love to think that I suit my new version better (as long as the new version concept is true… Ahem).  I mean, I feel different.  But a few extra stamps in my passport, a big bunch of great stories later and a long way to go aren’t going to cure my poor mind, are they?

 

Handling the hard reality.

Handling the hard reality.

 

I’m stronger than I thought (and than I think).

What if I just got stronger? Well, I’d be happy with that.  I know I am.  I wouldn’t have thought that this original trip would bring me to Australia, to Japan or to New Zealand. I had no idea I would become a master of hitch-hiking, a skilled farmer or even a travel blogger.  I didn’t expect any of that.  My resume became a long list of different odd jobs.  I accepted to give up my work experience, my diploma and try things I’ve never done before.

As long as I could still be on the road, it was fine.  At some points, I couldn’t handle it and I was in doubt.  I am so proud of what I’ve done to make my dreams come true.  I worked hard for it.  It wasn’t simple luck or big savings (because, believe me if it was the case, I would have enjoy Australia on a tourist visa).

 

I bought a flight, I got a tan, I fell in love and I found myself.

I bought a big bunch of flights.  I got a tan.  I lost it.  I got a tan again.  I lost it again. I fell in love with myself… and with him.  I found myself… broke more than once.  I found myself questioning all the ideas I had and found a life I was secretly hoping for.

 

So, did I really change?  I still can’t figure it out if it’s a loud yes or a quiet no, if that’s great or if that’s okay.  I’m an over thinker and I wish I could have change that bit.  Sad truth; I didn’t.  So, I guess I’ll soon find out. I’ll keep you updated!

 

Don't be shy, pin it! (It might change the way you are!)

Don’t be shy, pin it! (It might change the way you are!)